Of all the women in the world, the most beautiful are the women of the isle of Melita. And in all the land of Melita there are none like the women of my own village. And in my village there are none that can be compared with the girl next door. The girl next door

‘Juliette, Juliette. Juliette!’ Juliette came out from behind the trees, hurriedly wiping her hands on her apron. ‘What’s wrong? Did someone jump out of the bushes?’ ‘No, why should they?’ With a clean sweep of her scythe, Juliette sliced the top of the undergrowth right off. Justine shrieked as the head rolled to her feet

He was sitting in the coffee shop, his third cup of coffee – black, no sugar – getting cold, just like the previous two. He didn’t particularly like the taste of coffee. He didn’t much like coffee shops either, but he figured some sacrifices had to be made – he was going to be a

Spring is a time of fertility and rejuvenation… but that’s just a nice way of saying that everyone and everything (be it human or plant) is very much ‘up for it’. Not to be undone by the global mood, Schlock’s team decided to take advantage of it, with a week’s worth of erotic flashes. The

Illustration by Gianluca Farrugia Juliette felt her sister’s wet cunt. Ah. Dreaming of spaniels again. She wondered how long it would be before Justine lost her indefatigable innocence – 200 years on, and double that number in hymen replacements and tightness-restoration surgery (a little more sophisticated than needle-and-thread now, but based on the same principle)

Here at Schlock HQ we thought it prudent to kick off the new decade at the very beginning. Our first quarterly of 2011 treats the theme of Prehistory, with a deliciously gaudy cover by guest artist Victor Roa and the usual mix of quality content. Schlock’s contributors have been busy exploiting the theme’s more pulpy

In which our heroine unwraps a most unwelcome and oppressive offering. You could have strung a thin ribbon right between their gazes, Millie and her Imago; they now turned towards that object which had so abruptly stunned their breath. “But”, thought Millie after all, “this box in the middle of the room is so small.”

In which our heroine, her taste having been wrongly spoken for by another’s tailor, dreadfully awaits the arrival of the most loathsome of companions. Imago could tell that Millie’s step and her tone – though not directed at his own body, at his face or at his occasional croak – gave off something different to

Closing off the decade, Schlock presents a whole Issue dedicated to one of the most enduring staples of popular culture – the Western! There’s rough ‘n ready stories of death at high noon, amusing send-ups of the genre and everything that falls in between. Rich and familiar tales meet fresh approaches, tailored with Schlock’s wild

Closing off the decade, Schlock presents a whole Issue dedicated to one of the most enduring staples of popular culture – the Western! There’s rough ‘n ready stories of death at high noon, amusing send-ups of the genre and everything that falls in between. Rich and familiar tales meet fresh approaches, tailored with Schlock’s wild